Most of us like to keep the past in the past, especially when it involves someone we thought we’d never have to see again.
But one mum has recently experienced a ‘reunion’ in the worst way, being confronted with the sight of a man who 15 years earlier committed a crime against her… and is now a fellow school parent.
“Broke in, kicked my dog, took my keys”
Writing to an advice column for advice, the rattled woman says:
“15 years ago, an intoxicated man broke into my home in the middle of the night, kicked my dog, took my keys, and attempted to steal my car before being apprehended by my then-boyfriend.”
The police managed to capture the man. The woman adds that although she wasn’t injured, the incident left her upset and terrified.
“Days later my boyfriend and I broke up, I moved out of the house, and was never contacted by anyone about charges or follow-up on the case.”
And now, more than a decade later, the woman sees the man, with presumably his child, arrive at the same kindergarten orientation she’s attending with her own pre-schooler.
Admitting she hadn’t thought about the incident in years, it was still an unsettling and unexpected moment. Now, she’s not sure how to handle things.
“I doubt he recognizes me, as he only saw me once, in the dark, while he was heavily intoxicated 15 years ago.
“But how do I handle future interactions with him, as children will likely be in school together for the next 13 years?”
The woman’s main concern is the kids one-day working things out on their own – as online articles about the case cite their names.
She finally asks if she should be upfront with everyone now.
“Awkward PTA Meetings in My Future”
The woman signs her post, “Awkward PTA Meetings in My Future,” which understates the absolutely wild story.
Even the person responding to her says, “That is, pardon my language, f*cking crazy.”
In fact, it’s the first line of her advice, followed by a sincere apology for the woman’s experience.
Acknowledging that “This run-in will kick up a lot of emotions for you,” she adds, “This man won’t recognize you and it’s even possible that he has totally changed his life and may want to make amends with you.”
But she also advises to stay safe, by taking a friend along if she were to approach him, and not confronting him at the school gates. She suggests an email asking for a coffee to discuss a personal matter, and meeting in public.
“Your goal is not to extract an apology, but a shared acknowledgment of the past incident… He might respond angrily, and be afraid you’ll tell other parents.”
But that’s only if she feels really compelled to reach out. Otherwise, it’s not her responsibility to do anything for the sake of the kids.
What she does need to do, though, is address her “mental health and peace of mind” about regular contact with “this terrifying part of your past.”
“I would go into denial mode”
We asked some Kidspot readers and fellow parents about how they would react to this situation.
One admitted she would, “Go into denial mode every time I saw him and pretend he’s not there.”
Another claimed, “I wouldn’t be able to trust myself to keep it a secret in the long term, so it’s better to come out now.”
A third parent doubted if the man didn’t recognize her, saying, “He would have her name from a police report, and surely would have Googled her at some point.”
Finally, there was this concerned response: “I’ve watched too much true crime to not suspect how he’s suddenly enrolled his kid in the same kindergarten. I’d watch out, sister.
“Especially if he’s the kind of person who kicks a dog, drunk or not.”
